Regret

It was a rainy afternoon.

People stayed inside trying to avoid getting wet and the ground was soaking.

Robert was on his way home. Nothing important had happened that day. “Just another day” he thought to himself while driving down the road. The day had gone past very slowly and he’d and spent the day pushing paperwork. He didn’t want to return home. His boss had told home him to go home in time for once; even he had started to get worried. But home wasn’t the same anymore, not without Stacy.

He missed her and being at home, in their house, reminded him of her. It hurt. He kept imagining her stepping in the front door, but the happiness always turned into disappointment when he realized that the house still was as empty as before.

He missed her smile and her laugh. He missed how she loved him, the way she always made him feel. He missed her. Every time he thought of her it left him with a feeling of loneliness, his heart was like a gaping void screaming for attention, her attention. Something was missing. He could still see her face in front of him when he closed his eyes. She took a piece of him with her when she left, he couldn’t believe she was gone. He wanted her back. Life was empty without her.

Robert backed up in the driveway and sat there quietly. The rain was still pouring. He looked into the mirror, only to see a sad and tired face. He didn’t recognize it. Before, work was his life. He liked that life, it was enough for him. But Stacy showed him a life he never even could have imagined. For once, he was truly happy.

He sighed and closed his eyes. He could hear the rain falling on the car window, it was rattling.

He regretted every time they had fought and every time he had ever raised his voice at her. But most of all, he regretted that night at the hotel. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he ruined it. He ruined everything.

Where was she?

Was she still mad at him?

Did she still love him?

He knew the last one was true. It was the last thing she had done before walking out of the house with her suitcase and tears in her eyes.

He slowly opened the car door and stepped outside. He just stood there. The rain quickly covered his entire body and the wet jacket clenched to his chest. He looked up in the sky and felt the raindrops running down his cheeks. He couldn’t move. He felt cold, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered. What was the point? Stacy wasn’t there anymore. He was crying, but no one could see where the rain began and the tears ended. The salty tears and the cold rain fused together and dripped down on the ground. He could hear himself sobbing.

He wiped away his tears and headed, very slowly, towards the front door.

It was dark inside. He trembled after the light switch and turned on the lights. He dropped the wet coat on the floor and headed to the living room.

The floor creaked when he walked over to the couch. He sat down and looked down on the empty seat next to him. God, he missed her! He felt so helpless and abandon. He lay down and closed his eyes. She was gone. She was really gone.

Suddenly it hit him. What was he doing? He needed to find her. He couldn’t live without her. She was his life, they belonged together.

He rushed up on his feet and ran to the hallway; he picked up his wet coat and threw it over his shoulder. He didn’t know where she was or if he ever would find her, but he knew he had to do this.